The Unlikely Messenger: A Slice of Life with Debra Brown
The moody January sky cast shadows through the window on the glass of the china cabinet where my friend Joyce and I stood, staring at the contents inside.
“Meredith’s generation is less attached to things,” Joyce said. “It’s not a reflection on her childhood. It’s not a reflection on how she feels about you or Allen.”
I nodded.
“But she doesn’t even want the Christmas china she’s used since birth,” I said.
The St. Nicholas china was the backdrop for laughter, conversation, and knives clinking against dishes as we gathered for our Christmas meal every year.
We’d opened presents from under the tree as the white china trimmed in gold with a border wreath of “all things Christmas including Santa” adorned our festive tablescape. The special plates provided a sense of tradition as we enjoyed our favorite family recipes through the years.
The Christmas china held memories of holiday meals with our parents, who were no longer with us.
Those were only a few reasons the Christmas china brought me joy. I thought everyone felt the same way.
But four years ago, Meredith said, “Mom, I don’t need the plates. I have the memories.”
“What?”
If she didn’t want the china, she’d unlikely want much of anything in the house.
It hurt.
But then I remembered Matthew 6:19-21. Jesus taught that people should store treasures in heaven, not on earth and that where a person’s treasure is, their heart will also be.
So, with this in mind, I had a change of plans.
I knew I needed to downsize 40-plus years of stuff—some mine and Allen’s, some Meredith’s, and some Mom and Dad’s who’d lived with us. I didn’t want Meredith burdened with a house full of stuff after Allen and I were gone.
The task seemed overwhelming. I knew I couldn’t accomplish it overnight, and I didn’t want to. I wanted to enjoy the journey of reliving our lives as I decided what to keep and release for someone else to enjoy.
So, I created an ongoing decluttering plan. I planned to trash, sell, or donate items from each room, keeping only those that brought me joy.
I checked with Meredith about things she’d left at home. I offered to keep anything she wanted when she moved from an apartment to a house. It felt good not to have her room as a storage unit for stuff she no longer wanted or needed.
With our end-of-life documents, I instructed Meredith to keep or discard items at will. I noted approximate values of key furniture pieces, mentioned family connections, and where Meredith might find buyers for the china and crystal instead of hauling it all to Goodwill.
But if our worldly goods, including the Christmas china, ended up at the thrift store, I hoped someone would find great joy using them. They’d be coming to them with lots of happy memories.
Until then, I’d enjoy the items that brought me joy for as long as possible, including the china.
The process taught me that things are just things – until they’re not.
Mom’s old sifter, which I use for baking, brings back all the feelings of a plate of angel biscuits dominating the kitchen table or a warm slice of pound cake just out of the oven. One squeaky crank of the sifter handle, and I have a connection to Mom and my youth.
Special keepsakes bring joy. But it’s essential to focus on the true treasures of life, like strong relationships with family and friends, good health, personal and spiritual growth, experiences and adventures, and the ability to find joy in everyday moments rather than from material possessions.
So, when I think of it, I’m not surprised at Meredith’s selection of memories over objects. Those treasures were worth more than any trinkets we’d leave behind.
As I continue to downsize, I’ve learned that letting go of possessions doesn’t erase the memories; instead, it removes the clutter so you can embrace the joy, memories, and simplicity of living life.
Meredith already understands this lesson, and I’m at peace with whatever she decides to do with what’s left, including the Christmas china. If the porcelain catches the morning light at just the right time, she might revisit the china and see the value in the reflections of good times.
Debra Brown’s motto is “Be the Spark.” She has a passion for family, her 3 cats, flowers, pretty food, and health & wellness. Debra is an author, UGA honors graduate/The Citadel MBA.