The Unlikely Messenger: A Slice of Life with Debra Brown
Blowing rain peppered the windows. I pulled my sweater tighter around me to combat the chill, breathing in the scent of my spicy chai latte, and read the text for the third time before responding.
“I don’t think we should be friends anymore.”
The words from a close friend blindsided me. I could only respond, “What? Why?”
“I’m not mad at you,” she answered. “I’m not going to block you on Facebook. I just think it’s better if we’re only acquaintances.”
The unanswered “Why?” stayed with me long after I ended the text conversation with, “OK. I’m sorry.”
I apologized because I knew I’d been focusing on Mom’s needs during the last year of her life, but I thought my friend understood.
I’d been in survival mode as Mom checked in and out of the hospital. The constant rollercoaster of highs and lows left me mentally and physically exhausted. I’d worked hard to balance family, work, and being Mom’s health advocate. The responsibility left no time for anything else. After serving as Mom’s caregiver for 11 years, I struggled to navigate my new normal after her recent death.
Now, I’d lost a close friend, a former book marketing client who had remained a friend for many years. The ending seemed abrupt.
I often asked God, “What did I do wrong?”
One day, I brought it up to my friend Joyce again when we met for lunch.
Joyce focused on what I said as silverware clinked against plates and the buzz of restaurant conversation surrounded us.
“I’ve had people quietly unfriend me on Facebook,” I admitted. “I’ve lost touch with former co-workers and with friends who’ve moved away.” I sighed. “But, I’ve never had anyone tell me they didn’t want to continue our friendship. It still bothers me, especially when I don’t know what I did wrong.”
Joyce took a sip of her water, and then said, “I don’t think you did anything wrong. Maybe she needed something you couldn’t give her right now. Or maybe God was looking out for you because you need the time to grieve and get back into your normal routine without the added pressure of a demanding friendship.”
She paused, reflecting.
“The sad truth,” she said, “is that sometimes it’s best to love them and let them go.”
I immediately thought of the quote: “Some people come into your life for a season, and some come for a lifetime. Never mix seasonal people up with life expectations.”
“You’re right,” I said to her. “Friends for a reason, a season, or friends like you for a lifetime. I need to trust in God who knows the bigger picture.”
As the server brought our meals, I realized God knows what we need. Even amidst high drama, I wouldn’t have ended the friendship.
Deep down, I was glad she’d taken the next step. I knew our parting was the right decision for me, too, because I had often felt guilty for not living up to my friend’s high expectations even when I tried my best. Many times, I felt lacking even before Mom’s illness.
If I was honest, I’d admit I already understood the blessings of not trying to force a relationship that had already run its course. The best blessings come from letting go and not trying to hold onto something simply to avoid feeling the loss.
With time, I could get past the rejection and appreciate the friendship we’d enjoyed for a time.
There’s a reason we meet every person. Some will be lifetime friends. Others will move on. Sometimes we’ll need to walk away. It’s a normal and natural process. So, we need to learn what we can during our time together, keep the bad moments in the past, and treasure the good memories.