The Unlikely Messenger: A Slice of Life with Debra Brown
“It’ll be fun,” my daughter Meredith said. “We can discover our family origins.”
So, we ordered Ancestry DNA kits as Christmas gifts. The results were fun until I received a private Facebook message a year later.
I’d felt emotional on the dreary November day, the day after Dad’s birthday, 7 years after his death, and the day before Mom and Dad’s anniversary. It was 2018, the year Mom died, so the significant dates seemed pronounced.
I missed my parents as I checked the messages.
I read, “Hi, I’m Jenny. I’m your sister.”
“What?”
She went on to explain she was adopted.
“I’m not mad,” she said. “I had great parents, but they’re dead now. I’m anxious to get to know you, baby sis.”
Baby sis?
The world I’d known as an only child stopped at that moment. My solid foundation crumbled. What other secrets didn’t I know?
“It’s a scam,” my husband Allen said. “Ignore it.”
Meredith and my best friend Joyce expressed concern.
But Jenny gave me enough background info that, in my heart, I knew it was legitimate. Jenny was my father’s child, conceived soon after the war.
“I sat with Dad every night for years, just the two of us,” I told Meredith. “Don’t you think he had time to share this information?”
As a Daddy’s Girl, it hurt me.
“I know Mom didn’t know. There’s no way she’d keep that big of a secret, especially after Dad died.”
I had so many questions, and no one left to answer them.
All the while, Jenny pushed for a meeting.
“We can celebrate our birthdays together. Come to Atlanta and meet my children and grandchildren.”
Jenny knew she had another family somewhere throughout her life, but I had no clue.
“I always wanted a sister,” I confessed to Jenny, “but I need time to process it.”
Even though I didn’t know her, Jenny expected me to assume a sisterly role.
I discreetly checked with my cousins, who helped me confirm Jenny’s claim that I had a sister.
Jenny admitted to me later on, “The social worker’s notes said Dad didn’t think he was my father.”
This news eased my mind. I’d never know the circumstances leading to Dad’s assumptions on paternity. But maybe he didn’t mention Jenny because he didn’t believe he had another daughter.
I still felt tremendous guilt. Mom called Dad her soulmate. They’d been married 60 years when he died. This secret would have destroyed her even though it happened before they married. I could imagine my feisty Mom’s reaction.
“What will everyone think?” she’d ask. I worried, too.
My agitation escalated the more Jenny pushed.
How could I dishonor Mom by having a relationship with Jenny, whom we didn’t know existed?
One day, as twilight approached, I walked through the neighborhood. Squirrels skittered, and birds chirped. Ancient oaks formed a canopy overhead, their leaves rustling in the December breeze, and the air smelled of damp earth and fallen leaves.
I loved walking at this time of day. But the muscles in my neck tightened, and my shoulders slumped as my thoughts turned to Jenny.
“God,” I cried. “Jenny is insisting we have a sister relationship. I feel so guilty considering it. What should I do?”
I gasped as a flash of golden sunlight hit the overhead limb, traveling its length like wildfire.
As I watched the red and yellow glow, I felt a soothing sense of hope and optimism.
“It’s not our baggage,” I thought. “Jenny and I did nothing to cause this situation. There’s no reason to keep us from having a relationship.”
In the back of my mind, I heard, “The more people you have who love you and for you to love, the better.”
As I considered the possibilities, I realized I met my best friend Joyce later in life. I loved her like a sister. What if I’d shunned her offers of friendship?
She’d be the first to tell me, “Be open to new opportunities and people in your life.”
Once home, I read 1 John 4:7-8, which states, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God because God is love.”
Love is inherent to God’s nature, and we are opening ourselves to God’s essence by opening ourselves to love.
For the first time since Jenny contacted me, I felt at peace. So, I committed to a small gathering in Macon in February—Jenny and her husband Jim, me, and Meredith. Allen had a business conflict.
Meredith and I walked into the upscale restaurant. I felt terrified but excited.
The waiter greeted us, and I said, “We’re meeting Jenny.”
“Oh, you’re the sister!” she exclaimed. “Follow me. Your new family is waiting.”
As we passed white-clothed tables, we heard the clinking of silverware and bits of conversation while breathing in delectable aromas. Then I saw Jenny’s beaming face with the biggest smile.
“Let’s get this party started,” she said.
So, we shared our life stories over crab cakes for me and bang-bang shrimp for her – two sisters making up for lost time and eager to navigate a new relationship, starting with friendship.
Debra Brown’s motto is “Be the Spark.” She has a passion for family, her 3 cats, flowers, pretty food, and health & wellness. Debra is an author, UGA honors graduate/The Citadel MBA.